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"I" Messages
An I-message is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message", which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person spoken to. An I-message allows the person speaking to "own" the feelings, rather than a "you-message," which is an effort to control or overpower. An I-message is formed by including non-blameful description of the listener's behavior, the effect of that behavior on the speaker, and the speaker's feelings about that effect.
| "I feel frustrated when I see the toys on the floor because we talked about putting them away before we leave for the store." |
A healthy I-message helps keep the lines of communication open and gives others ways to make amends and give back. Upon receiving an I-message, a child can benefit from understanding the impact he or she is having on the other person. An I-message is a form of healthy communication, and should not replace limit setting or effective discipline.
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