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Limit Setting for Kids

While in the "executive" role of parenting, parents often find themselves having to set limits for a child to promote health and safety. Parents should be aware that parental limit setting is needed when a child cannot set limits for themselves. With healthy limit setting, children feel safe and can be more creative and communicative, and find a healthier environment to grow. In the book, "Growing Up Again," authors Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson discuss that without healthy limits children feel "wary and insecure." They could become "reckless and uncaring about their welfare."

But setting limits that are too strict can be unhealthy as well. If parents set limits that are too restricting, children will over adapt and become passive, or demand attention with rebellious behavior.

When healthy limits are set for them, children learn gradually to set their own limits, to value themselves. Healthy limiting setting builds self esteem. This way children get stimulation and recognition in safe and healthy ways.

Setting limits clarifies for the child both the behavior that you want, and the consequences if the child resists your request. Author Elizabeth Crary points out in her book, "Without Spanking or Spoiling," that setting limits has three parts: a clear rule or request; an explanation of choices; and immediate follow-through. A parent should think the situation through, what you want the child to do and what the certain consequences will be for non-action (no empty threats).Setting healthy limits can be a challenge for many parents. One-on-one guidance is available. If you want to learn how to set healthy limits, please contact us.

Four (4) Dangers of Negative Reinforcement

Does not teach the child what to do
Often strengthens some associated undesirable behavior
Adversely affects parent-child relationship
Will not change behavior in long-run

from the book "Without Spanking or Spoiling"



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As time-tested as it is timely, Growing Up Again offers further guidance on providing children with the structure and nurturing that are so critical to their healthy development--and to our own.

Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson provide the information every adult caring for children should know--about ages and stages of development, ways to nurture our children and ourselves, and tools for personal and family growth. This new edition also addresses the special demands of parenting adopted children and the problem of overindulgence; a recognition and exploration of prenatal life and our final days as unique life stages; new examples of nurturing, structuring, and discounting, as well as concise ways to identify them; help for handling parenting conflicts in blended families, and guidelines on supporting children's spiritual growth.


If you feel trapped between extremes when you're disciplining your children, you'll appreciate the time-tested advice in this classic guide. You don't have to spank your children to get them to behave - and you don't have to worry that you're spoiling them, either. Drawing from four major child guidance philosophies, parent educator Elizabeth Crary provides dozens of examples and exercises to help you find the best way to rear your children.

"Without Spanking or Spoiling" will help you understand:- Why scolding and spanking can increase the very behavior you want to avoid; - Why praising children sometimes leads to problems; - How to get kids to substitute an acceptable behavior for something intolerable; and - How to determine effective consequences for unacceptable behavior.
Although saying No to your child is obviously important, many parents still have a hard time following through -- even when they know they should -- especially when other parents and the culture around them are being permissive.

Now, successful psychologist, bestselling author, and nationally known parenting expert Dr. David Walsh provides you with an arsenal of tactics, explanations, and examples for using No the right way with your kids. His memorable, affecting, and sometimes humorous anecdotes help you regain confidence in your own judgment and ability to say No as they remind you that you're not alone in your parenting struggles. With Dr. Walsh's down-to-Earth advice, you can immediately assess and improve your relationship with your kids, set and enforce limits that make sense for different ages (from toddlers to teens), and otherwise make No a positive influence on kids' behavior and in your overall family life.

The first look at the psychological importance of No in a child's development, No offers the lively voice, warm wisdom, science made simple, and breadth of knowledge that readers have come to expect from Dr. Walsh.

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