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Overindulgence
Overindulging children is giving them too much of what looks good, too soon, and for too long. In her book, How Much Is Enough?, author Jean Illsley Clarke points out that overindulgence is a form of child neglect, as it adversely affects healthy self esteem building. It hinders children from performing their needed developmental tasks, and from learning necessary life lessons.
The book discusses that there are three types of overindulgence: too much stuff, over-nurturing (doing things for kids that they can do for themselves), and soft structure (few or no rules and shielding kids from consequences). Children who are overindulged may face difficulties in many areas of life, continuing through adulthood. They may have trouble delaying gratification, not being the center of attention, becoming competent in every day skills, taking personal responsibility, knowing what is enough and knowing what is normal for others.
Many times parents struggle with understanding what is overindulgence. There are four clues of overindulgence and parents can benefit from using these clues to overindulgence as a guide. The first clue is whether the gesture interferes with or slows down a child's learning or development. The second clue is whether the gesture or experience uses a disproportionate amount of resources (money, time, attention). The third clue is whether the activity is done more to please the parents than for the benefit of the child. The final clue is whether the activity harms others, society or the planet. An answer of "yes" to any of these four questions, indicates overindulgence.
It can be very valuable for parents to know when what they are doing or how they are reacting may be overindulging their kids; and understanding the affect that overindulgence may have on a child's development. One-on-one guidance is available. If you want more information on how to know when it's overindulgence and when it's not, please contact us.
Parents strive to give their kids the best of everything. But despite good intentions, the life-enhancing abundance we heap on our children is often more than they need or can handle, and we cross the line into overindulgence. In How Much Is Enough?, parenting experts Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, and David Bredehoft explain for the first time how giving children too much, over-nurturing them, and providing them with soft structure will prevent them from learning many of the important life skills they need to become happy, healthy adults. Filled with smart advice, real-life stories, and effective strategies, How Much Is Enough? tells you everything you need to know to avoid—or repair—the damage overindulgence causes.
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