Understanding the unique nature of a child helps a parent explain many behaviors, whether it be for a certain age or stage of development, for a certain temperament style, maturity level, or the other areas that make each child unique. By understanding and becoming aware of who a child is (nature) and what environmental factors and personal relationships have influenced the child (nurture), a parent can be better equipped to handle the many challenges he or she will face.
Each relationship a child experiences from birth affects and influences who that child is (and becomes) and the core beliefs that may stay with the child for life. In his book, The Neuroscience of Human Relationships, Dr. Louis Cozolino discusses attachment and the affect emotionally intimate relationships have on the developing social brain in children. It's important for parents to be aware that as children grow-up, the relationships around them affect how they will react to and handle (process) all sorts of various situations. Just as neurons communicate through mutual stimulation, brains strive to connect with one another. Cozolino shows how brains are highly social organisms. Balancing cogent explanation with instructive brain diagrams, he presents an atlas of sorts, illustrating how the architecture and development of brain systems from before birth through adulthood determine how we interact with others.
Temperament is a set of in-born traits that organize the child's approach to the world. They are instrumental in the development of the child's distinct personality. These traits also determine how the child goes about learning about the world around him.
These traits appear to be relatively stable from birth. They are enduring characteristics that are actually never "good" or "bad." How they are received determines whether they are perceived by the child as being a bad or good thing. When parents understand the temperament of their children, they can avoid blaming themselves for issues that are normal for their child's temperament. Some children are noisier than other. Some are more cuddly than others. Some have more regular sleep patterns that others.
When parents understand how their child responds to certain situations, they an learn to anticipate issues that might present difficulties for their child. They can prepare the child for the situation or in other cases they may avoid a potentially difficult situation all together.
Parents can tailor their parenting strategies to the particular temperamental characteristics of the child. They can also avoid thinking that a behavior that reflects a temperament trait represents a pathological condition that requires treatment.
Parents feel more effective as they more fully understand and appreciate their child's unique personality.
When the demands and expectations of people and the environment are compatible with the child's temperament there is said to be a "goodness-of-fit." When incompatibility exists, you have what is known as a "personality conflict." Early on parents can work with the child's temperamental traits rather than in opposition to them. Later as the child matures the parents can help the child to adapt to their world by accommodating to their temperamental traits.
Also, it's helpful for parents to be aware that its the nature of all children to lack judgement, be impulsive, and be egocentric. As part of the responsibilities of parenting, teaching a child better judgement, to be less impulsive, and to be less egocentric (more empathetic to others and realizing the impact of his or her actions on others) will help nurture an emotionally and relationally healthier person.
Parents that feel challenged to truly understand their child can be empowered to become more aware of the nature of their child, and it's never too late. One-on-one guidance is available. To find out how to begin your journey to better understand your child, please contact us.
